Tag Archives: novofemina

Distance versus Denial

Last week I was struck by a quick comment made by Joyce, a mid-forties marketing czar and parent.  She’d lost her job just prior to year-end 2014.   A mutual friend asked if I would have coffee with her.  “I’m ready,” she said as we settled into our seats at roast, our local Starbucks alternative.  She wanted to initiate a job search.  There was something else I heard – her tone and demeanor didn’t quite match.  “I put all that stuff behind me,” she said.  As if saying, ‘isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?’   Continue reading

Four and Foresight

“I got a sense of breathing for the first time,” said a dynamic woman whom I interviewed early on for Novofemina’s Voices of Transition column.   Prior to being laid off she was a multi-decade employee of a large corporation.   She was also the parent of several children, one of whom she lost to a rare childhood illness.   She got herself another job within a year of her termination.  She described her transition as enlivening.     She was energetic and peaceful when we spoke.    I will never forget how I felt as I listened to her tell me her story.  Awful might be an exaggeration – but not much of one.  I remember thinking, ‘how did I ever get myself in this predicament?’  Her confident, delighted state seemed a million miles away from where I sat.

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The Progress of Silence…

“If you do that once you’ll spend the rest of your life figuring out how to make that happen every year,” said a friend.  I was explaining that I was escaping for the summer with the kids to a shack near the beach on Cape Cod.   Another woman we both knew had done something similar years before.   My friend shared that this decision had altered that woman’s course from then on.  My transition had just started.  “Let’s face it,” I reasoned out loud, “no one is looking for me for the first time in decades.”  Why not?…I said trying to convince myself. Continue reading

Opinions of others….

“It would be incredibly valuable to the companies and potentially very lucrative,” remarked my then boss, the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.  We were brainstorming about my next moves.   We both hailed from the tech start-up arena.   He was angling for me to return.   There was a lilt in his voice. ‘What fun!’ He seemed to be saying.   For whom?

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I often get the question, ‘how?’ to start a transition.  One of the toughest challenges, I think, is that our networks and people close to us see us as how we ‘are’ versus seeing us as what we aspire to be.

I thought I’d use my own before and after to illustrate this point.

That day my boss was trying to get me to start a new business, a boutique consulting firm.  His concept?  Leverage the incredible experience I’d gotten at the big company and marry it to the emerging tech world that we both loved.  He had it all figured out.  I’d partner with pre-IPO companies to establish SEC compliant processes.  He reasoned that this would be invaluable to the many companies who arrive at the pre-IPO altar with tin cans and string for processes.

“Why not cash in on what you’ve done here?” He remarked.    He loved the IPO dream.  He’d led many smallish tech companies but never to that ultimate Valhalla.

Here is the rub.  I actually considered this path.   I reasoned that I could easily start the business.   I could even be very good at it.   There was a real market need.   As ideas go this one was borderline great.

But, did I want to do it?   I had two kids under age 6.  Was I ready to hop into a services business, particularly one that was deal driven like the IPO market?

Also my exit from this gentleman’s employ had me teetering on the verge of disaster.  Years of five hours-a-night of sleep, spontaneous travel and the demands of my family had taken their toll.    Would transition give me enough traction to stay clear of the magnetic pull of these type of ideas and really listen to what I wanted?   Was it time to afford myself that luxury?

William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life Changes (Summer Book Review #2) said, “changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in.” (Transitions, Bridges, pg 128)   He noted that during the first phase of transition,  “we break our connection with the setting in which we have come to know ourselves.”  (Transitions, Bridges, pg 17)

I found an old document on my hard drive this week while searching (unsuccessfully) for something else related to my book project.  The document was a draft aspiration worksheet from 2012 – roughly two years after this conversation with my boss.

My draft said:  I am pursuing my interests in women’s development. This manifests itself in two ways: (a) contributing to Golden Seeds, LLC, an angel capital network dedicated to providing growth capital to women-led start-ups; and (b) authoring the blog Novofemina.com, a celebration of Women’s Transition Issues. I am also interested in serving on Boards to leverage my experience as Board Chair of a high-tech start-up and as a facilitator of the Compensation Committee of the Board of Directors of a S&P 500 company. Long term, unqualified success? To be a recognized thought leader on Women’s Transition globally.

Right or wrong it’s quite a pivot from my SEC compliant start-up.   How did I make the leap?

Today’s and the next few posts will cover the many techniques that I used.  There was no silver bullet.

One important early one was starting the iterative process to answer a few basic questions.  Together these questions helped me re-articulate my identity.   They are:

I am ___ (Who).

I do _______ (What).

I love it because ____________ (Why?).

I hope to ________________ (Impact).

Could these work for you?

I wrote the answers to these questions occasionally.   Months would go by and I wouldn’t touch it.    But then I’d have a free moment and take another crack at it.

After a few iterations I broke free from replicating the world I’d just exited.    I married this simple Q&A technique with a few visioning exercises (I’ll cover visioning in an upcoming post).

That coupling really got me started.  Once the aperture of ideas was expanded it became easier to eliminate the boundaries that I or others had erected for me.

Would it surprise you that my former boss has pivoted to a ceo role at a tech start-up?   It makes his heart sing.

At the end of the day we both got something important.

I got the courage to know that more was possible and the humility to keep exploring it.

How will you proceed?   Will you begin?   Are you ready for questions?  Or more importantly are you ready to listen to YOUR answers?

 

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Fear and Moving Forward

“Have you ever been afraid?”  asked an incredibly articulate 7th grader from the Timilty Middle School in Boston’s Roxbury neighborhood.   The question came via a letter about a month ago as part of a pen pal program that I participate in between the school and Simmons College, my undergrad alma mater.   He went on to share that his fears were rooted in the violence that plagues his neighborhood.   How could he walk home alone?   Not long ago a classmate at the Timilty, an honor student, was gunned down on the basketball court.   Fear?  Continue reading

A network’s gift….

“I’m going to prove to him that I can,” shared a friend who was struggling with a decision.  She’d been in finance since we left college.  She was really interested in statistics and the insights it could provide.   She was thinking about going back to school for an advanced certificate in stats.   She’d sought the advice of a professor who was involved in the program.    He wasn’t encouraging when they met.  But, his negativity fueled her.   ‘I’ll show him’ she seemed to be saying.   I couldn’t help but wonder if this guy was a barrier or a catalyst for her?  Continue reading

Passion’s Gift….

“From running, I learn to be passionate,” shared Yujue Wang one of seven runners on Boston University’s 2014 Boston Marathon Team.  Wang’s story was part of a sea of media coverage this week commemorating the 2013 Boston Marathon tragedy.   The BU team is running in memory of 23-year-old grad student Lu Lingzi who was killed last year close to the finish line.   Miss Lingzi studied statistics.  She loved American culture; blueberry waffles, Godiva dark chocolate, a CD cover of an Itzhak Perlman violin concerto (The New Yorker 4/17/2013).    I was surprised and thankful to happen upon Miss Wang’s passion quest.  I hadn’t up until that point connected its powerful gift… Continue reading

Networking essentials…

“If you could pack a bag for a woman who was about to embark on a transition, what would you include?” I asked during an interview earlier this week.  I love the question.  It’s my favorite one to ask during Focus Groups.   As women we carry bags, large and small.   Brief cases.  Totes.  Shoulder bags.  Handbags.  If yours is anything like mine all manner of detritus can fit inside.  Her answer to this bag dilemma?  A mirror. Continue reading

When does transition start?

“Nancy, Nancy, wake up!” I screeched as I tried to wake my sister from across the room.  She and I had slept for an hour or two on chairs as we kept vigil at the hospital.   My dad, the patient whose hand I was holding, had been battling cancer.   Over the week leading up to that morning he’d gone from responsive and laughing to captive in a body fatigued by a long, complicated disease.   Thirty minutes earlier I woke up to his erratic breathing.  I knew it was time to say goodbye.  “Wake up!” Continue reading

Transition: a financial lens

“The other big shift for me was just recognizing that security is all illusion,” shared a Focus Group participant.  We were discussing our lessons learned from transition.  The surprises?  “I started letting go or recognizing that what I thought was security really wasn’t gaining me the traction for joy or however you want to label it,” she went on.  “That was a big let go….(letting go of) going after  the paycheck because I thought I needed that security.”   Have you bumped into similar lessons? Continue reading