Who sees you? You. Your essence. Your truth. I was reminded of being seen’s power during a recent exchange with my daughter. She was introduced to being seen – only to have it taken away from her. Abruptly. Unexpectedly. The before and after contrast made me think about our last blog, A New Twist on Being Seen, and our willingness to let others see us. Tell me, does anyone see you? Continue reading →
What does it mean to you to be seen? At first glance, ‘being seen’ might make you think about your presence or absence at something important. Were you at the right meeting? The right party? The right moment? What you recognize as ‘being seen’ will differ from what I recognize. That said, I am not sure this type of ‘being seen’ really captures it. What if ‘being seen’ is being acknowledged or affirmed for who you really are? Or even better. What if being seen is really about our willingness to be seen? Not the person you are supposed to be at work or at home or at the PTA meeting….You. Your essence. Your truth. How visible are you? Are you willing to be seen?
Choice is such a whopper of a topic. Isn’t it? How would you describe your relationship with choice? Do you err on the side of safety or throw caution to the wind? I’ve been thinking a lot about choices this summer thanks to a chance conversation. It happened when I was talking with an adult daughter of a friend at a lawn party earlier in June. She was excited about an upcoming move to LA and the start of a new job at a large law firm there. She had been in the public defender’s office in Dallas for a few years and was ready for a change. I was so curious about her decision. That’s when she said something powerful about choice that sent me reeling…. Continue reading →
“It is unrealistic.” said my son to his long-time pediatrician. She was asking him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He’s fourteen. She reminded him that at last year’s physical he said, “I want to be a professional basketball player.” I like her because she stops to ask him these questions. In spite of the cloying requirements of insurers that beg her to quickly move on, she lingers. Listens. Before saying anything more, he looked at me as if to say, ‘Should I tell her?’ Then he added calmly…
Do you practice kindness? I know it sounds pretty odd but this whole kindness business is getting under my skin. The reason is really simple. I’ve witnessed time and again an unintended consequence of kindness that I find damaging, particularly to women. Let me explain. Have you ever caught yourself resorting to kindness when you would rather rage at something or someone? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not arguing for reckless confrontation. But this conflict – the intersection of kindness and authenticity – has me wondering. Is kindness becoming a new modern day requirement, another expectation that is layered upon us like a cloak gently silencing our voices? Continue reading →
Failure. failure. FAILURE. What pops into your mind when you hear the word? Is it a failed relationship? Or a job offer that never materialized? Or a mortgage that was never approved? Or a marriage that ended badly? Or maybe failure has migrated its profile to become a trait that showed up one day and lingered. Last week a rare coffee break with a dear friend got me thinking about failure in an entirely new light. It helped me see that failure may not be any of the things I listed above or the many more that we all could add to the list. What if we have failure all wrong? Continue reading →
I was asked to make a 2019 wish on behalf of all the listeners of Feminine Foresight, a podcast for which I was recently interviewed. My response was simple. I wished that we could all re-imagine ‘enough.’ Are you enough? Maybe you haven’t thought about the question in quite that way before. Even so, I am fairly certain that you have experience with it or one of its popular cousins. Are you smart enough? Talented enough? Connected enough? Slim enough? Fit enough? Attractive enough? Kind enough? Driven enough? Supportive enough? Good enough? Happy enough? Tough enough? Successful enough? Present enough? Loved enough? Loving enough? My personal favorite – in case you are wondering – hails from the good enough arena. Will I ever be good enough? Or more precisely, will my work ever be good enough? My interviewer’s question made me realize that I’ve had enough of all this. Have you ever wondered what might be awaiting for you on the other side of enough?
With Valentine’s Day approaching, I thought I’d explore a concept we don’t talk much about. Love. What comes to mind when you hear the word? Hallmark, Amazon and 1-800-flowers would hope that cupids and red roses and chocolate are somewhere in the mix. A recent story I read compelled me to look at love differently, from an honest and often hidden perspective. It centers on how we express love in the normal course. Can name a few ways that you do? A pic from one of the ways I express love – talking about my fav topic transition – is below. Continue reading →
When was the last time you took a new step? Sounds like a funny question, doesn’t it? New steps can take many forms. Yours might be tied to finally having a long-dreaded conversation about ending your relationship with your spouse or partner. Or yours might be finally registering for that course to help you begin to track your career in a new direction. Or, like me, yours might be tied to having a long overdue conversation with my 85-year-old mother about her continuing loss of function and skyrocketing care needs. While these may sound like vastly different scenarios, transition has taught me that they are all versions of the same theme. Each requires us to begin. To take a new step. To act by relying on a set of beliefs that are tied to who we are and how we make meaning in the world. Each one asks us to head in a direction whose outcome is uncertain. To embrace an unknown or unknowable destination.
This journey – into the unknown – fascinates me. My knowledge of transition has helped me walk in this direction. I’ve benefited greatly from it thus far and still consider myself a traveler. One thing I know for sure. We greatly misunderstand transition as a society. In fact, we’re socialized to head in the opposite direction when we face uncertainty. This detour can be costly to us and to those who rely upon us.
My work is all about dispelling this confusion around transition and helping people live the lives they only imagine. To support my work, today I introduce my new podcast, Destination Unknown: a field guide. Its sole purpose is to dispel the mystery surrounding transition so that all of us – no matter the particulars – can take the first step, and then another one, successfully.
Destination Unknown: a field guide (Available on iTunes)
Destination Unknown: a field guide (available on iTunes) is designed with you in mind. It features 15-minute power conversations between yours truly and those navigating all manner of transition. Our first episode features Leona, a 50 ish year old career enthusiast who decided to head in another direction. Leona talks about how difficult it was to make the decision and how she did it.
Here is a sneak peek at the 1st episode:
What if my prevailing thought it, “I cannot do this!?”
What can you expect if you find yourself at a crossroads? Maybe you have an idea of what could be ahead but not much more than that?
What are the murkiest parts of the journey?
Are there patterns to be aware of that can help redirect my energy in positive and important ways?
If you’ve ever felt nauseated, discombobulated, or panicked about a new step, you’ll find something important in our first episode.
Why is this podcast different?
I know what you are saying, ‘not another podcast!’ Destination Unknown: a field guide is a resource for everyone in or considering transition. It will introduce you to the scary parts of the movie before you find yourself in a theater all alone. For anyone who has seen the Exorcist or Nightmare on Elm St, remember that once you are familiar with the really scary scenes, you experience the movie differently. You see new things. You access new parts of the plot that you overlooked in your earlier panic. So too, transition. Learn how to navigate it successfully with Destination Unknown: a field guide.
I hope you’ll join us. Please take a moment to subscribe to Destination Unknown: a field guide on iTunes and tell someone you know who might benefit from its message.
For those wondering about my 2019 imagined possibility test, I’ve made it two days so far. Even so, I am improving. I catch myself when negative thoughts hop into my head. I cannot say that I have made much more progress than that. I haven’t given up. I continue undaunted. Beginning a new step each day.
May you always be drawn to journeys that can lead you in a stronger, more beautiful direction and may you always find the courage to take the next step.
Thank you for your unending support of my journey.
A belated Happy New Year! I am kicking off ’19 with an important new experiment. I want to walk in possibility – daily. Most of us recognize that the world is full of possibility. But I wonder how many of us recognize that this statement is also true for each of us individually? A world of possibility is resident within all of us. Are you ready to bring it forward? What might it look like for you? Perhaps ’19 is the year to bring shape to what possibility might mean for you.
Sounds funny, doesn’t it. Walking in possibility. The phrase came to me as I was taping a show for my upcoming – soon to be released – podcast, Destination Unknown: a field guide. One of my guests talked about the energy she derived from ‘living in possibility’ instead of ‘living in fear.’ She was able to feel the difference. Fear for her was very real. It emanated from her desire to make a career change after thirty years in an industry.
My desire to walk in possibility brought me to my experiment. Unlike my guest, I was not able to see fear as my driver. Instead my gate to possibility lives in the voices inside my head that battle with me by diminishing, devaluing, derailing possibility. This symphony is a constant companion. You see I am the champion of private highly-damaging monologues. These thoughts can creep in from any front; work, parenting, relationships, elder care. No sector is off-limits.
My experiment for 2019 is centered on eliminating the barriers that stand in the way of my possibility. I want to go five days straight without a negative, critical or self-limiting thought deflating my sense of self. Any time I fall off the wagon, my five day count will re-set. I have 365 days with which to pull off this consecutive five day cycle.
This goal is tricky. I may not be able to stop these thoughts from entering my head. But to move forward any one day I need to change the way I respond to them.
How hard can this be? You may ask.
It feels like an eternity from where I sit.
For those wondering about my progress, I haven’t gone two consecutive days yet. We are roughly ten days into the year.
Here is a great example. Last week I talked with a handful of career coaches to test a business idea I have been toying with for some time. I’d like to run continuing education courses for professionals, like financial planners or career and life coaches. I plan to share my research and, most importantly, my exercises. All of those with whom I spoke were interested in the idea. Can you guess what happened next? My lovely inner voice discounted the avenue…..entirely.
My guess is that I am not alone in this type of cycle.
For my experiment to work, I need to recognize an inbound nasty gram and I need to tag it as such. Irrational. Highly circumspect. I can no longer allow these thoughts to take root, change my mood or – most especially – convince me that my idea or desire isn’t worthy.
Yes, five days really does feel like an eternity….
Possibilities live in transition’s zip code. Our dreams are imagined possibilities. They serve a crucial role as we navigate shifts in transition. Through possibilities we envision, architect and begin moving forward.
If you decide to venture forth in possibility, what would you expect to encounter along the way? Maybe the answer to that question can lead you to an experiment, like mine, one that will help you see possibility in an entirely new light.
May ’19 bring you the courage to walk in your possibility and to greet with an open heart all that you encounter along the way.
Happy New Year!
Linda R. (linda@WomenAndTransition.com)
Stay tuned for the release of Destination Unknown: a field guide. I have 3 episodes taped and one final technical hurdle to overcome. If you are a podcast expect, I’d love your help troubleshooting this problem. Let me know! linda@WomenAndTransition.com
Join me every Thursday evening for Dishing on Disruption, an interactive event that uses the lens of transition for inspiration and guidance. Details are here. Weekly, 7:00 – 7:45 pm. This is a free event. Hope to see you!
My Take on Women & Transition
My Podcast: Destination Unknown a field guide (available on iTunes)